I really, really hate that saying “Nice Guys Finish Last”; I never really understood it. The more realistic thing to say should be along the lines of “Nice Guys get Screwed Over”, or “Nice Guys Should Stop Going After Women with Emotional Baggage”, or “Nice Guys Should Date Nice Girls“….or something along those lines.
I guess I’m saying all of this to say that tonight while I was cooking dinner for Lorenzo, I realized that I am going to marry a “Nice Guy”; he is a great person. He is generous, a gentleman, intelligent, mature, classy, and a leader. He doesn’t feel the need to impress others, he is ambitious, he is [mentally]strong and masculine and I just appreciate him so much; I can’t wait to be his wife.
I think about some of the single people in my life and always wonder why they haven’t been able to find someone special (if that is what they want) and what could the contributing factors be? Is it you, is it them? What is the issue? Are you willing to change it? Or at least compromise? People tend to be very quick to blame the other person when a relationship goes bad, but some never take the time to say what they did wrong, how they contributed, and how they would fix the issue in the future. In my case, I was in the middle of taking a hiatus from dating, I had this epiphany that I was the problem. There was something that I was doing wrong. I was kind of mad at my friends who were telling me that I was a good person and deserved the best, because I somehow always ended up with guys who started out nice and later on turned out to be jerks. Was I expecting too much? Did I come off too easy (like a pushover)?
I know in some cases my attitude was a turn off. I had a habit of holding things in and blowing up all at once. I had a habit of doing too much (I’m just a giving person by nature), and I’ve once been accused of “being too affectionate”. But when you look at the grand scheme of things, I refused to tolerate disrespect. Those guys where not ready for me and what I was about. I was never one of those girls who said she wanted a “bad boy” or a “thug”, but even guys who don’t present themselves that way can be mean, or jerks, or just wrong for you. I wanted a nice guy and I meant it.
I had some friends in the military who were self-proclaimed “nice guys” who could never seem to keep a girlfriend and always wondered why. The females would constantly reassure them that they would meet a special girl who would treat them right, don’t act like these other a–holes, yadda, yadda, yadda. But what these guys didn’t tell us was that they were pushing the girls away, being angry, not talking to them, lying about dumb stuff, or being cold and distant. I guess they thought that because they weren’t cheating that it kept them in a “nice guy” category. Sometimes they would go after girls who had a lot of problems emotionally, but if you told them that, they would make excuses for them trying to be a Knight in Shining Armor or something. When you like someone its easy to ignore red flags, but its kind of like ignoring a small fire…eventually its going to spread, get bigger, start destroying things and you’ll have no choice but to deal with it.
I guess this is why I don’t like that saying. Nice guys don’t finish last, they just have to make better choices with the women they choose and make sure they are ready for the type of relationship they say they want. What I love about my fiancé, is that he knows his value and refused to tolerate being treated badly by women. He is a “Nice Guy”, but he’s not a pushover. He knew what he wanted and didn’t settle until he found it.
I encourage you all to do the same. Don’t settle. Discover yourself and what makes you happy and the right person will find you.
(Sorry for the profanity)